Lonely....

Now..i feel lonely..
Why??

it is my own fault i think..
it is fair for me to deserve it..

Because..
what have i done..
is unforgiven..
and i cannot ask any forgiveness..
for what already happen..

Me...I..my friends..
they all already abundant me..
because they think..
i am not important to them anymore..
maybe the true is..
me the first one abundant them..

My fault..
it is all my fault..
we are not eating together anymore..
because i have someone special to me..
in here..
i do not join them..
when they go anywhere else..
i just stick on my own decision..

Right now..
the one i have..
the one i love..
is leaving me..
because of my fault..
it can not be turn back anymore..
she will not be the same..
as what i know before..
she not trust me anymore..

Loosing..
i will losing everybody..
i will alone on my own..
although this world is big..
it has no meaning if..
i am alone..

But..
there is still a huge barrier..
in front of me..

Can i???
can i went through that barrier..
with only myself..

Sad..
i feel so sad..
right now..
i want to change..
this feeling of sadness..
to the spirit of mine..
so that i can climb up..
the barrier in front of me..
and ask for forgiveness..
to the everyone around me......

~words from my heart~